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| i was wrong, of course, michelle and i, yeah we were just two kids having some fun, no harm in that and no hard feelings, i dunno looking back it kinda, hm i dunno its just this content feeling, like nothing in the world matters right now, that we've come so far in so little time. things change, things are meant to change, if they didnt what fun would life be right? hm. its weird though, looking back, i saw a few old pictures so i decided to check them out and haha its funny to see how not just me, but all of those around me have grown up in the last few years, i mean its crazy how far ive come in just one summer. i was watching b&f earlier today cause a commercial mentioned project runway and i totally remember just chiilling out and watching those good old things. i used to tell people that by the beginning of junior year people stop changing and they are who they are for the rest of their lives. i was wrong. i look back to see how my cousin lito has grown up throughout the last decade as hes moved on from sharon. i looked back on old pictures of them and how young they were. its amazing how our minds warp our memories until we come to see what really happened. interesting isnt it? alas the future is near and soon i will be with long in uci, older of course, older and older and ill continue to make mistakes, its not when we triumph that we are at our best, its when we realize how weve failed. spop is just around the corner and it makes me wonder just where has the time gone. upon recollection ive only hung out with juha and them soo much, its been like what 8 times at the most all together? not that much and prolly the same count for the guys. even less for mitchel. so where has all the time passed by? some of it has been spent reading. others just simply watching tv and sitting here. oh then theres the time spent with my brother, steve, hender, heinz, george, juan, sean, aaron, oh cant forget about that day with lester now. weird to thing how fast its gone by. all of that time spent at dennys. the stratigizing. the tears. the strife. oh how the days have passed. makes me think just how much have i changed since summer started? oh i remember the days when i used to talk to maria through the night. driving her crazy trying to instigate some sort of miracle. or the days we were captains of our bio lab team. even prior the days with michelle just hanging out all day. thank god i said no on that crazy night. oh of course there was shanell and the trips to san francisco. spending money thinking it grows on trees trying to justify it with books ive read. my poor parents. what about the days prior to when we were happy. before ted. before my grandmother died. before jen. just right after valentines day. i remember january 27th. i picked her up from disneyland, we went ice skating with ryan and sally and the gang. i had to drop her off at home and rendezvous with christina. we parked on the street next to her house, right in front of longs. it was quiet. and dark. we were talking and i was leaning in as usual. she leaned in too. i leaned in more. she came face to face. it was beautiful that night. ill never forget it. we kissed again. her sister came by. she kissed my goodbye. but missed and landed on my nose. i came home screaming that i was late but i didnt care. it didnt matter. i ran into george and hender on the way in. they stopped me and we ran back to henders to pickup their xbox and some taco bell. i was starved. often times i question whether i did the right thing in summer, saying no. its in retrospect of that night i realize it was the right decision. too young. not right. often i am the first to put everything on the line and go in for the kill. often i loose too much. no not that night. i knew id lose in the long run and it was no gamble. the only thing i did wrong that summer was give in on the first sf trip. i shouldve known better. what a bad friend i was to deny my love her own passion. i didnt understand then. i still dont completely understand now. but atleast im gaining better perspective. i told her i loved her. love was unconditional. love would exist no matter what she did or what happened. i tried to justify my actions with the fact that she changed and she was just shel to me, no my michelle. just shelly. only a ghost of a good thing. i often try to evoke sympathy and even more empathy from my past. in honesty i do not with to forget it. i sitll want the same thing i did so many months ago. just to be friends. i sometimes question where i went wrong with michelle but went so right with kime. its true, this time i like sarah, but this time i wont look to michelle for advice, ill look to kime. hopefully this time i can tell her, and if she freaks out. ill handle as kime did once upon a time. lately ive had dreams of her. though i do not think its anything to do with her. i barely know her. then again we're just kids. trying to get a glipse of a good thing. the circle of emotion has begun again and there will be more ups and downs now. i sometimes want to scream at all the things that ive let pass me by. faith is believing in something other than ourselves. faith is what we must have to journey forward. faith. its fate. | | |
| Youre standing there alone and so am I but I want You here by My side oh ohh Your smile at Me is everything the staring game that song of love I look You in the eyes I try to read Your thoughts I ask You to go with Me to a far off place oh oh I look You in the eyes I try to read Your thoughts I ask You to go with Me to a far off place You and Me dancing the night away You can feel My heart beating so hard we look eye to eye and Im swept away on a moonlit walk on the beach walking the sunrise for the first time Im in a trance for the one slowdance Youre standing there alone and so am I but I want you here by My side Your smile at Me is everything the staring game that song of love I look You in the eyes I try to read Your thoughts I ask You to go with Me to a far off place I look You in the eyes I try to read Your thoughts I ask You to go with Me to a far off place You and Me dancing the night away You can feel My heart beating so hard We look eye to eye and Im swept away on a moonlit walk on the beach watching the sunrise for the first time Im in a trance for the one slowdance We dont have to talk We dont have to laugh at all I just want You here with Me We dont have to talk We dont have to laugh at all I just want You here You and Me You and Me dancing the night away You can feel My heart beating so hard We look eye to eye and Im swept away on a moonlit walk on the beach watching the sunrise for the first time Im in a trance for the one slowdance | | |
| hey... its sunday today... had fun at my gparents anniversary... 65th... long... time... got some pix if ya wanna c... jus i/m me if ya want... omg... 2day... my cuzin and i were doing this one stunt that N'sync did during one of their concerts... where we link hands, one of the guys puts his arms through his legs, and does a front flip with the other guys help... we were totaly ready... i could flip my cuzin and everything... (cuz im so strong =]) but he jumped one count to early... and he fell smack right on his back... we had a backup plan where i would wheelbarrel him outta the stage if that happened... but i tottally craked up and fell to the floor... it was soooo freakin funny... but man... we had that move down... and totally messed up... this is the 2nd year weve messed up... i think he shouldnt be doing stunts anymore... whenever my cuzin is involved we always messup... well... other than that... had a good time... our swing dance really sucked cuz every1 was really outta it... i was soooo tired... i couldnt really concentrate... oh... and for one of the contests... i was like... PICK ME FOR THE PRIZE!!! PICK ME!!!... but it ended up to be a hip hop dance contest... and i wuz like... wtf??? hell no i aint doin that... not infront of my gparents and stuf... thats just like... HELL NO!.... it wuznt cool... but the prize sucked anyways...
bumpin: she cries-rufio
ticktock: 8:39
5152
nemo me impune lacessit | | |
| hey to those of you who are so bored as you actually visited my xanga! (and the ppl who subscibe 2 me, cuz ur the onle ppl who read this stuff... rite?) so hm... been bz as normall... when wuz the last time i updated.... oh yeah... tuesday... well now its saturday and lots of stuffs been happenin, on wednesday nuttin really happened... on thursday i finally downloaded the microsoft anti worm software... and omfg... when i woke up... my screen wasnt working riite... and thats gonna cost like 300 2 replace... hmm... maybe i should get a like a gigantic one... okay.. so its gonna cost like 600 2 replace, and ontop of that... when i finally figure out that my monitor is the thing broken... i borrow my bros monitor (im usin it rite now) and wtf...? i cant see any red... i should change the color of those links... its sooo hard to see... ya gotta highlite everything, so the colors go negative nd its such a pain in the @$$... and i still gotta call up gateway... or microsoft... but i dont think itll do anything cuz the my warranty is already xpired cuz my comp is so freakin old, then after skool, i went to practice... nd were finally done wit our dance and skit for the anniversary and its really cool and stuff... hmm... well.. thats bout it...
l8r
bumpin: minority-green day ticktock:10:32
5152
nemo me impune lacessit | | |
| hey all, been really bz l8ly, hmm... oh yeah... the last time i wrote sumthin is when i saw a ghost (i really did see one, it wuz freaky) well... since then ive been really bz practicing the dance for my g-parents anniversary, looks really cool, um... other than that... went paintballing sunday... had a really great time... when we went one on one i nailed my cuzin on the run cuz of my mad walking skills (thats when you pull the trigger usiing both fingers really fast, when one goes up, the other goes down and vice versa) um... what else... more practice... the summit house is a really nice place... its so cool... um... oh yeah... not sure if i said the b4, but on the way there.... theres a street call elm street... and there are houses there... one day imma go look for 1428 elm (lol, i 1der if its there) (btw... elm street is from a nightmare on elm street {the freddy kreuger series}) um... hmm... omg... today was the first day of skool, i was sooo late bc my dad decided that i had time to spare.... i was supposed 2 leave at 655, ended up leaving at 705, and he was driving really slow bc he was trying to eat at the same time... then omfg... that wuz soooo stopid, he made a stop at starbucks.... i was like... wtf dad? im already late... dont stall me another 15 minutes... but anyways... like... i was waiting in the car and about 711ish... i saw this one girl and her mom... and i couldve sworn that the girl was libby... she looked xactly like her... same face... same everything cept her hair was really wavy and messy (i mean like the i just woke up kinda messy... not the i styled it like that kinda messy)... and i was like... omfg... should i go out there?.... im already 15 min late... but by the time i decided to say hi... my dad came out... so we left cuz i didnt want to loose another minute.... so anyways.... skool was boring... teachers are funny (funny stupid not funny haha) omg... during pe... we were sitting in the bleachers... and i was talkin to patick (my fello flip) and all of a sudden... these girls nxt to me started yelling at me to get my attention... then they started to hit on me for their friend.... and i was like... dammm... calm down... and i didnt wanna hurt their feelings or make any bad blood so i like said i thought she was kinda pretty and had a chance with me... (but she didnt... theres only one person who duz... duh... but she duznt give a shyt about me... *sigh*) so anyways... um... hung out with mis amigos at lunch... went home... went to practice... came back... went to the comp... talked to soohyun... and i was like... hey... did you see libby today? and he was like... yeah... with erin... and i was like... how was her hair styled? like really wavy and stuff? and he was like... lol yeah howd you know? and i told him the whole story bout starbucks and how i was late... and libby finally signed on... so i said hi and stuff... and i finally popped the question (no... not that one... i asked her if it was her i saw this morning.... duh) and she was like... no... i didnt go 2 starbucks... (wow... i jus realized that starbucks has the work bucks in it... cuz it costs so freakin much) and i was like... o... and we talked a bit... till she signed off... without saying bye or anyhing... (as usual... duz she hate me or something? do we have bad blood? i mean... wtf? duz she do that to every1?.... or does she just hate me cuz im like totally in love with her and cant stop thinking bout her... i miss her sooooo much... you have no freakin idea how much harder life is without her... its like ive got no reason to live anymore... cept to keep on living... its like equilibruim (great movie... well... only the fight scenes were good) but sometimes... i just dunno what to do anymore... when im not with her... its like i cant breathe... cant live... some times i feel like a heroin addict... cant live with it, cant live without it (well... i cant live with her... jus cuz of location problems.... its not a mental thing) i dunno what to do anymore... i love her so much... but... sometimes its a lil too much... like... i cant do my homework cuz i cant stop thinking bout her... cant focus on anything... the good thing bout writing in here... no1 will read it cept for shaw on occasion... and my subscipts.... if they ever check the mail!
geez... i wish i had a cooler name where i could say stuff... like michelle branch goes
be well, michelle<<< thats sooo cool
hm... what should i put?
go with the flo, mlo? naww... sounds stupid.. how bout...
hm... what rhymes wid mark or mlo? thats kinda hard...
how bout i jus put...
mlo... dont mess with this, get your @$$ kicked! lol, i like that one... too bad it doesnt rhyme... well... getting late... cya later... whoevers reading this... prolly only shaw... im so glad atleast someone cares.... you dont understand how much better that feels... my family doesnt even give a $hyt about me... i think my cousin lito cares more about me than anyone in my family... even my parents and bro.... well... good night! and i dont see you later... go morning! good afternoon! and good evening! lol... i like that movie... ya know how you can tell when im tired as opposed to when im really really tired? when im tired ill be all slow and stuff... when im really really REALLY tired... ill act really energetic and crazy... but i wont think very fast... or make alotta sense... but ill still be really energetic...
nite all... sleep well... prolly better than i will.... i miss you so much libby... if your reading this... i dont wanna sound like a heroin addict or anything... but thats the truth.... i cant live without you... i love you.... it might not seem like it... and you may not belive me... but... the honest truth is that i cant stop thinking about you... and the chance i missed becuase i went to a differnt school... sometimes i cant sleep at night becuase i miss you so much... sometimes i jus wanna turn back time and see you just once more... you prolly dont give a $hit about all this... and you prolly dont care and your wondering why your still reading this... but... please understand... living without you... is like living without air... impossible... i honestly hope... that if you dont listen to anything i say... just be true to yourself... carpe diem... dont let the best thing that could ever happen slip away because of one small choice you made... it may not seem like the best choice... it may not seem like a logical choice... there may not be anyone telling you go for it... but if your heart tells you to... listen to it... or you may miss the best part of life you never knew existed... gnite... i love you | | |
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